


We Could Be Heroes

by arbitraryspace



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-17
Updated: 2010-08-17
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arbitraryspace/pseuds/arbitraryspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven takes pick-up strategies to a whole new level.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Could Be Heroes

"Well," the Doctor said, putting the cap back on his dry-erase marker, "that settles it. As you can see, there's only one workable solution. We're all going to have to have sex in order to save the Earth."

The three Time Lords stared at the equation that they'd just worked out on the Doctor's whiteboard. The Rani's hair had come loose from its braiding. The Doctor was flushed with exertion. And even the Master, whose default expression lay somewhere between crazed and aroused, was looking markedly more feverish than usual. It had been an invigorating afternoon. They'd done an awful lot of maths.

"What you're forgetting, Doctor, is that no one here other than you _cares_ about saving the Earth," the Rani said.

"I care about saving the Earth," the Master quickly interjected, nuzzling up behind the Doctor in a way that he probably thought was subtle. "I care a lot. Marvellous place, that Earth. Prime territory for conquering. I for one can't get enough of it."

"You see, Rani?" The Doctor turned his head to the side, to give the Master a quick peck on the cheek. "The Master agrees with me. Isn't Earth full of exciting organisms, which you might like to study one day? Don't those humans produce wonderful hybrid races? Take your own advice for once and be sensible."

"So you had nothing to do with this," the Rani said, throwing her hands up. "You just happened to visit the ancestral enemies of the Xofa, and then they just happened to offend the Xofa by implying that Xofa Prime controls a puny amount of territory. After which Xofa Prime made its move to conquer Earth, using psychic weaponry which can only be disarmed through the concentrated mental broadcast of sexual pleasure. And the Master and I just happened to be drawn to Earth by a spike of exotic radiation at the exact moment when the Xofa made their attack. This is all a grand coincidence which you had no hand in whatsoever."

"That's a very good way to put it," the Doctor said, with a beatific smile. "You know I'd never do anything that would truly endanger a planet full of sentient beings." By now, the Master was kissing his neck, and he squirmed happily whenever the Master's goatee started to scratch.

The Master's left hand was starting to creep up beneath the Doctor's question-mark jumper. The Master's right hand signalled that if the Rani ruined this for him, he would stalk her across Miasimia Goria and kill her in her sleep. She wondered when he'd picked up the patience to learn Judoon military sign language.

"This is just like thermodynamics tutorials back in nineteenth form." The Rani rolled her eyes and shucked off her top. The Doctor's eyes twinkled appreciatively, and the Master threw in a leer at her tits as a sort of goodwill gesture.

"Not _just_ like," the Doctor offered, pulling her forward to press the sizeable bulge in his trousers against her thigh.

Maybe he had a point.


End file.
